I went 26 Miles today. In my car. No, I didn't run the L.A. Marathon but I did wave to the runners in Chinatown as they rumbled past me. Most waved back. A few of the bottom feeders gave me a one-digit response. Bless their hearts.
I did pay homage to the local athletes in a Round-About-Way. I celebrated the original Greek runner, Pheidippides,the dude that ran the original 26 miles to the Plains of Marathon, by scarfing down breakfast at Philippe's (no relation, I assume), as I do most Sunday mornings, community service permitting.
I actually jogged a few steps from Broadway down to Philippe's on Alameda. In my mind I wasn't the only member of the Screen Actors Guild that is also a California licensed Funeral Director (3383), I was Steve Reeves, the acclaimed 50's bodybuilder who played the role in the Swords & Sandles, filmed-in-Italy epic "The Giant of Marathon" a prized DVD I discovered amidst tears, in the bargain-bin rotisserie at the new Amoeba location one rainy night a couple of restraining orders ago.
As I breakfasted, over a second cup of Philippe's 45 cent cup of coffee, I realized that those 25,000 plus runners, currently huffing and puffing to the finish line in Culver City, were probably churning and burninng big-time calories and probably hungry as a wolf. Have I no shame! (As a member of ASCAP, my apologies to Duran, Duran.)
It's a small wonder all those dudes and duchesses from a third-world place like Ethiopia always win the American marathons. They're motivated by nature, famine-skinny, and bless their hearts, are probably coping with the pain and strain of the race, by picturing the finish line in Culver City.
A finish line, not too far from the neighborhood In-n-Out with a Double-Double with onions simmering on the grill. I know hunger. I know the 3rd World. I've been to Cleveland.
Maybe next year I'll attempt the L.A. Marathon. I'll start my training by running short distances. To the Liquor store. Or maybe home from the laundromat. Maybe running to catch the shuttle from the Disney Concert Hall parking to another appearance in Federal Court.
Speaking of court, good luck next Friday. I know you're tired of being a defendant over and over. Try to smile. Get a new suit from Goodwill and walk tall. Text me when it's all over. Good luck bro.
But, enough about me...